


Each of our Secrets

by xaoxngchen



Category: ARGONAVIS from BanG Dream! AAside (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Car Accidents, Childhood Trauma, Gen, Headcanon, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, References to Canon, implied/referenced PTSD, please read the note!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-18 06:14:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28613424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xaoxngchen/pseuds/xaoxngchen
Summary: Another sleepless night.Please read the note before reading the story!
Comments: 8
Kudos: 28





	Each of our Secrets

**Author's Note:**

> **Content Warning: Childhood trauma, implied self-harm, implied abuse, implied PTSD, car accident memory.**
> 
> **Please note that this is only a work of fiction and should not be regarded as canon or facts.**
> 
> Yeah i just rlly love angst haha..... It's just a headcanon of mine that Reiji's biological parents died in a car crash and he survived. For Shu, that's my self-indulgent XD

_**Each of our Secrets** _

_**Words: 1049** _

"Ya look like shit."

He snapped his eyes open and turned his head. Shu was standing by the door, looking a mix of shock and amusement. Reiji cleared his throat and straightened himself. 

"Why are you here?"

The question was accompanied by anger and alarm. Reiji wanted nothing more than to get rid of Shu, he wanted to be alone right now. How could he possibly present himself like a mess? It was also 3am, and Reiji did not want to entertain him at such wee hours.

But maybe Shu did not realise, or he simply did not care. He shrugged and replied nonchalantly as he twirled the towel beside him, "bored."

Reiji's eyes travelled to the forearm underneath Shu's long sleeves. He could think of a few reasons why Shu was up this late. Sure enough, if his eyes were not playing a trick on him, he could see a new red line or two. Shu immediately pulled his sleeves lower when he noticed Reiji's gaze.

"Hey, look up at me when I'm talkin'." He grabbed the towel off its rack and threw it at Reiji.

Shu had his own secrets too, one of which was something Reiji knew for some time now, much to his disgust. When he accidentally walked in on Shu that fateful day, his first reaction was to puke at the sight... and he did not really remember what happened after.

He turned the faucet off and wiped his face hurriedly, "go to bed, it's late. We have a live tomorrow."

There was an unsettling pause as Shu lowered his eyes slightly. And due to the rather long time Reiji had spent with him, he knew very well what this meant — Shu just had a nightmare too.

Reiji sighed. He dreaded having to take care of Shu when he had his own worries to deal with. But out of everyone in this sharehouse, the only person Shu could turn to was him. Even if he despised it, his fate was sealed the moment he donned on the 'Karasuma' family name. There was no escaping. There was no freedom.

"What do you want to do then?" 

Shu seemingly tried to find an answer but stayed silent.

Reiji then decided, "let's watch that STAR FIVE movie."

But 'watch' would be an understatement. In the unlit living room, Reiji played the DVD and muted the sound. He sat next to Shu who had settled cozily on the couch and the two stayed in silence. They did not mind at all, because they both knew neither of them were here to actually watch the movie. It was just an excuse to stay up a bit longer until Shu eventually fell asleep.

"Were ya dreamin' of that accident again?" Shu broke the silence first.

If he could see Reiji right now, he would be staring at a face that held killing intent. Most of the times, Shu would probe into Reiji's business without any consideration for his feelings. But Reiji knew that if Shu truly did not care, he would not bother to ask. Yet, Reiji did not know how to answer. 

Hearing no reply from him, Shu continued: "Ya know that wasn't yer fault, right?"

"I've never blamed myself for it," Reiji nestled deeper into the couch and sighed.

It was a drunk driving accident. Reiji could remember most of it even though he desperately wished otherwise. When he heard his father suddenly stopped yelling at him, he opened his eyes to a bright light that took everything away from him. It pretty much changed his whole life. After waking up in the hospital, both of his parents were pronounced dead and the perpetrator was apprehended at the scene.

The normal response would be to cry.

But Reiji did not feel any remorse when the doctor broke the news, nor did he cry afterwards. Some time later, he realised that he actually felt content. His life was no longer filled with just screaming and bruises. Being put into the orphanage gave him new survival skills. Sure, staying there did not necessarily meant being cared for more often, but he was used to it. It was better than nothing. Life was generally better... until he met the Karasuma family... until he met Shu.

"Then why do ya beat yerself up over it?"

Reiji swore silently that he would kill Shu one day. He did not want to tell him the whole truth. He did not want to tell how he would abruptly remember the accident when the other car rushed up to his vision, how there was fresh, red blood all over his hands and body when he woke up briefly in the backseat. He did not want to tell him why he was so obsessed with cleaning, how he would get so much satisfaction with having everything in their right places, how when his flashbacks got so vivid he _thought_ he had blood on his hands. He could not control it.

But Shu was a curious child, just like any other.

Reiji sighed, "if you ask me again, I'm going to bed."

"But can ya even sleep?" Shu chuckled softly.

He was right, though. Although Reiji's voice was tired, he knew the memories would return the moment he closed his eyes. They were now stuck with each other in the middle of the night. But it was not the first time this had happened. Sometimes Reiji would be woken up by a panic-stricken Shu or he would happen upon the living room TV turned on in the dark when he wanted to grab water.

He wondered if this was becoming more frequent, or it was due to the fact Reiji had become Shu's replacement for his dog, Momo. Whatever it was, Reiji would often be amazed at how Shu was able to bounce back the next morning despite being an absolutely train wreck the night before. 

They had seen each other at their worst, and as long as the contract continued, they would probably have to witness more. Shu did not really seem to care that much anymore, but Reiji most certainly minded. He hated nothing more in this world than showing his weakness.

Everything... had to be perfect...

But there's only so much he could control.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are appreciated! Thank you for reading <3
> 
> Thank you to my friends again for supporting me throughout writing this fic!


End file.
